Good morning, fellow Substackers. I woke up this morning in what many would call a grumpy mood, and I’m not sure why. In keeping with the tradition of using Substack as a place for experimentation and learning, I’ve decided to publish an old poem that I wrote for a reading I did in Bushwick last summer. I also recorded a video on a whim so you can hear me read it. Don’t forget, I’m in a grumpy mood right now, so be nice.
The theme of the reading was photography-related, so I wrote a poem about Instagram, which turned into a poem about… ass and titties. Enjoy!
AIRPLANE MODE (8/9/2023)
Rip my eyeballs out,
put them in a cup next to my nightstand
like a retainer.
or maybe dispose of them all together.
The human brain is not designed to see much ass and titties
I guess I could delete instagram,
but I need it...
to generate likes and comments...
and hopefully get a job as a movie star.
I used to want a lobotomy!
Now I want to be blind
(not actually blind, metaphorically blind)
I still want to see,
I just don’t want to see ass and titties.
I could get neutered,
that’s what they did to my cats
they are not horny anymore
but I actually don’t know for sure, because they don’t talk
and they still lick each others bodies.
I’ve seen more ass and titties in my life than both of my grandfathers combined!
Each of grandfathers only saw my grandmothers' ass and titties,
that's a total of two (2) asses and four (4) titties between the two of them!
I bet I've seen over one (1) million titties and several thousand asses in my lifetime,
maybe even a million asses if I really think about it.
My father saw a lot of ass and titties before he met my mother,
I know because I’ve seen the pictures
beautiful blondes from Minnesota
an exotic, oriental Arab in 1969,
before Arabs were disgusting woman haters on the news
they were exotic little sluts
A generation of perverts
ASL?
Age Sex Location
not american sign language you square,
raise your hand if you've had sex with your fingers
We had cyber sex with our index fingers on the keyboard,
and our little cocks poking out of our jeans,
making sure mom and dad didn’t see us jerk off at the family computer.
We jerked off to pictures!
not even to moving images...
The ass and titties are not the problem.
I am the pervert,
I unfollowed them all years ago.
Cleaned my instagram completely!
Not a single filthy little...
mMmMmMmmMm, MmmMMmMmmM, MMmmmMmmMM
now its filled with cats and dogs and orangutans,
and film stills from old french movies.
And every now and then a flyer for an event with like a thousand names on it.
Thank you for the invite I am glad to be here,
please keep my name on the flyer
I need the clout.
I’ve never had my name in lights before,
but I dream about it.
One day I’ll be famous!
For now I’ll have my name on several flyers,
it makes me feel good and important.
I guess my name is kind of like your body,
something nice for people to enjoy,
something for me to feel good about.
A generation of perverts